Sunday, November 25, 2001
Tonight is all about new sounds.. new and sometimes strange sounds. I stumbled upon this gem of a place just a little earlier. There's some tres different/strange/new sound. I suggest you guffaw at this, elise/zoe/wendy/anyone-else.
When i was about 13, I had the biggest fear of death. I don't know what sparked it to start with, but i used to lose weeks of sleep, literally - to the point where i ended up seeing a child psychologist. When i thought about it, I got a physical feeling thats undescribable - it sat around my stomach - it didnt hurt my body, but it hurt my mind. I used to think of what it would be like to be gone, it made me so incredibly distraught that i wouldn't see any of my friends or family again, i wouldnt be able to feel anymore, and the worst part, I wouldn't realise it, and it wouldn't bother me, because i wasn't existing. What hurts most about losing someone or something important to me is that I know that in time, it won't hurt anymore. It's not that i would want it to keep hurting, but knowing that eventually the pain would be so small that it wouldn't change how i lead my life horrifies me. Knowing that a huge loss will inevitably mean nothing with time hurts even more than the loss itself, in my mind. I don't have a fear of death anymore, but anytime something important to me ends, or i lose something important to me, I get that physical feeling in my stomach that hurts my mind.
And the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade.
-end existentialist foray-
Why do my parents have such horrible short term memories? I told my mother what time i started work and what time i finished work and what time i expected to be home from this Compaq product night (free beer free wine free food free fun..kindof) not an hour ago, but before she went to bed she felt she had to ask me for all that information again. It happens all the time! :O
-end complaint about parental guidance units-
If I undressed you in the day
would you still act the same way
that you do in the dark?
Maybe we could save time that way
maybe we could be done by nine.
If I just left you in the park
would you still walk home the same way
like you did last year?
Or would you try to save time 'the way home
If I wasn't out here?
All the dust I swept away yesterday
still returns
as I stare
And one neighbour looks away
when i walk by
like you, he learns, im not there
On the drive out to the store
I trace your name out three times with my finger on my knee.
I pretend you sit beside me as we drive
towards a day at the beach
But all the rust on this old car
falls away in the rain
as I stare
I hear you say I have to change
I cannot change
Of course, I turn and you're not there.
When i was about 13, I had the biggest fear of death. I don't know what sparked it to start with, but i used to lose weeks of sleep, literally - to the point where i ended up seeing a child psychologist. When i thought about it, I got a physical feeling thats undescribable - it sat around my stomach - it didnt hurt my body, but it hurt my mind. I used to think of what it would be like to be gone, it made me so incredibly distraught that i wouldn't see any of my friends or family again, i wouldnt be able to feel anymore, and the worst part, I wouldn't realise it, and it wouldn't bother me, because i wasn't existing. What hurts most about losing someone or something important to me is that I know that in time, it won't hurt anymore. It's not that i would want it to keep hurting, but knowing that eventually the pain would be so small that it wouldn't change how i lead my life horrifies me. Knowing that a huge loss will inevitably mean nothing with time hurts even more than the loss itself, in my mind. I don't have a fear of death anymore, but anytime something important to me ends, or i lose something important to me, I get that physical feeling in my stomach that hurts my mind.
And the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade.
Why do my parents have such horrible short term memories? I told my mother what time i started work and what time i finished work and what time i expected to be home from this Compaq product night (free beer free wine free food free fun..kindof) not an hour ago, but before she went to bed she felt she had to ask me for all that information again. It happens all the time! :O
If I undressed you in the day
would you still act the same way
that you do in the dark?
Maybe we could save time that way
maybe we could be done by nine.
If I just left you in the park
would you still walk home the same way
like you did last year?
Or would you try to save time 'the way home
If I wasn't out here?
All the dust I swept away yesterday
still returns
as I stare
And one neighbour looks away
when i walk by
like you, he learns, im not there
On the drive out to the store
I trace your name out three times with my finger on my knee.
I pretend you sit beside me as we drive
towards a day at the beach
But all the rust on this old car
falls away in the rain
as I stare
I hear you say I have to change
I cannot change
Of course, I turn and you're not there.
Geoff Farina - The Same Way
